December 18, 2004
KOTB - Rulings
Final Ruling
View from the Pew 40
I Hate My Cubicle 31.5
illogicology 28.5
So that would mean that View from the Pew is the latest King of the Blogs!
Site:
Let me first emphasize that if you choose the little red box up top near the title bar of Steve's blog, you must REALLY hate your cubicle, because chances are you won't be working there much longer. I am heavily grateful for the warning, but decided to check the whole blog out from home just in case one of his posts was, er, miscategorized. In providing such mature content, Steve comes painfully close to being disqualified for content which exceeds the PG-13 level GREATLY. However, with the content being restricted by a series of warning screens, I decided to give this competitor a little slack, because what little original content he did provide was of high quality. I only wish he were able to write more original essays. Additionally, there appears to be nothing here about the author/editor of the blog, nor is there any contact information.
Overall, the site's pretty but it tends to resemble a one-man Fark more than anything else.
3 points
Post:
If I had any feelings for my fellow man left in me, I would probably have given this post 5 points for charity. Unfortunately, nearly everyone, including myself, has experienced this type of utter frustration at the hands of some business at one time or another. In fact, I have just recently been the victim of the inexplicable Companywide Fax Machine Shutdown - you know the one where they ask you to fax an important document RIGHT AWAY, and you fax it, and two days later you call back and they haven't gotten it, and they give you another fax number, and.... well you'd probably be able to finish the story yourself at this point.
But of course this isn't about me, or any of the other hundred million who've gone through Customer Support Hell... this is about Steve and his ability to transcend the traditional irate customer story with a twist of his own. And in grand Hitchcockian fashion, he proceeds to weave a tale so ornate, so dripping with suspense and anticipation
that I was beginning to imagine the stoic face of Anthony Perkins on the 17-year-old newbie as the power mysteriously goes out during the tale's climax.
Tragically, however, Steve's captivating post falls victim to a timeless monster that has plagued writers for as long as there has been paper to write on - that clumsy, plodding beast called Deus Ex Machina. Somehow, when we were expecting the poor downtrodden customer to grab a shotgun and march down to the store with a mission, somehow, mysteriously, all the plot twists mysteriously unraveled and the story was sewed up all neat and tidy with - (gasp) a happy ending! Egads, this doesn't happen! Not only that, but you validated your entire negative experience with Fry's by spending ten times more than what you *eventually* got back. So what was the point of the story -that he would make all of this fuss about 20 dollars and when he finally gets credit for the money, simply beg to have it happen to him all over again? Surprise, surprise. Like his seemingly endless narrative which ends with everyone living happily ever after, I'm going to top this great big heaping scoop of ice-cold review with a cherry.
5 points
Challenge Question:
Steve runs into creative overload with his answer to the Challenge Question, though he ran into somewhat of a roadblock at first by catering to the 'Profanity is Funny' crowd (for which an ample audience exists, among which I am not counted). There are also a
number of technical issues which need to be addressed:
- If your compulsory order for the entire population of your realm to eat a Hardee's thickburger is carried out, chances our at least half of its population will be decimated by
the third bite. I would suggest that you mandate cardiac surgeon training for your smarter citizens.
- If you like to imbibe, be warned that a ban on bees will greatly diminish your planet's supply of hops, wheat, barley, grapes, or any necessary component of an alcoholic beverage.
- Programmers work, thank you very much. Despite this, your tax laws rock.
4 points
Site:
There's not much more one can say about a grey-on-black design except that it's ready and waiting for a template. However much Owen would wish to portray that he doesn't care what you think about his blog, he has obviously made his intentions painfully clear by competing for King of the Blogs. To his credit, he has made his identity known...and he doesn't blog about cats! If he could just stop blogging that he didn't care how many people read or liked his blog, he would probably fare reasonably well. If Marvin the Paranoid Android had a blog equivalent, this would be it.
2 points
Post:
I confess - I am the Grinch. And I am notoriously grinchy for getting upset at spelling mistakes and letting it ruin the whole post. I'm going to try not to let this happen this one time, but I will go apopleptic if a second post grabs on to a misspelling and runs with
it. I think the redeeming factor was that Owen apparently realized his error around point 5. That said, the correct spelling is "bagel"...even in the UK, I believe. How Owen managed to list every single known mistake made when preparing a bagel is simply amazing. Fortunately, this whole 8-step ordeal can be simplified and made error-free simply by asking for the right Christmas gift. Oh... and it's "Feud", as in "Family Feud"...
3 points
Challenge Question:
Here, Owen shows that he has a spark of creativity waiting to burst into flame. His response was succinct, no-nonsense, and amusing; though I don't understand what he has against cats. His tendency towards self-effacing humor and irreverent jab at Star Trek scored this entry points. He's got potential.
4 points
Site:
Looking back in my KOTB archives, I recollect that I dealt quite harshly with those who used blog*s--t blogs. For a long time in the far past, there were tremendous problems with blogger's inability to provide comments or trackbacks, and it's completely dysfunctional archiving capability. Fortunately, it looks like the past is behind them in this regard, and to Warren's credit, he makes full use of Blogger's new capabilities.
There's nothing fancy about the View from the Pew blog; it's a rather bland template and color scheme; and there are no snazzy graphics to hog our bandwith or distract our attention. Still, the sidebars seem to be well-organized and warren's email address is prominently visible. I would recommend that if Warren should become King of the Blogs or aspire to accomplish greater things with his site, he should seriously look into providing a more visible separation between posts,
and a more readable color scheme in the sidebar.
His posts, however, are nothing short of eloquent and well-written. He always has something positive to say; even his jabs at pop culture are surprisingly upbeat. And he has everything to gain by inserting a bit of flattery in his introductory post toward yours truly.Overall, the blog could use a few visual improvements, but the writing more than
makes up for it.
4 points
Post:
Great post! This was a well-written effort that effectively mixed theology with profound geekiness, in the flavor of the popular satiric model, Girlfriend 2.0. Plus, it gets Warren's point across far better than any protracted preachiness could ever hope to accomplish.
5 points
Challenge Question:
Talk about flights of fancy..... this one reaches new heights at its peak; unfortunately, the post,like Icarus, falls short of its goal. I appreciate the Monty Python reference (and the Hitchiker's Guide reference as well)... and, of course, the parrot's only resting, isn't it?
3 points
King of the Blogs Tournament: Week One Judging!
Be gentle on me, I'm new at this judging thing. Heh.
Round one of the new, revived King of the Blogs tournament is in the books... Pretenders to the throne, take note: The one
and only QUEEN OF THE BLOGS is preparing to pass judgment.
Overall Blog/Design
I Hate My Cubicle: OK, first. Blinking banner ads? Annoying. And having three of them above the fold is nearly enough to inspire epileptic seizures. But if I wanted to sign up for a free iPod, I suppose I know where to go. Hear that folks?
Want a free iPod? Go see I Hate My Cubicle. The message board is a catchy little gadget, and gives the reader a sense of community", so I'm calling it a plus. But aside from the names "RAT" and "Steve" on various posts, this whole site feels pretty anonymous to me. Who are these "RAT" and "Steve" people? What do they like (other than boobies and free iPods)? There are volumes of content, but most of it very impersonal - strange video clips, miscellaneous news stories with pictures, and lots and lots of advertising. As far as the site graphic design goes, the design is pretty simple and clean - black/gray on white, with red links. And may I say, you need it to be simple and clean, because with the large graphics and photos accompanying nearly everly post, any other scheme would be disgustingly busy. And let's not forget the blinking ads. *twitch* On a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high), I Hate My Cubicle gets a 2.5.
illogicology: I've seen this particular Blogspot template a half a zillion times while surfing Blog Explosion, and I think it works well. It's clean, uncluttered, and easy to read (if you don't have issues with white text on a black background, which I don't). I'll forgive the typo in the tag line, because I think the tag line itself is quirky and catchy. It suits Owen's apparent apathy very well. There's a picture of the blogger, and a link to his profile, which helps us to care a bit more about what he says, even if it's that he doesn't care what we think. Harvey will have a whole host of "things he likes to see in a blog" comments for you, and his constructive criticism helped shape my personal "things I like to see in a blog" list, so I won't run through them all. I'll just say this: get yourself set up with Haloscan or something for comments and trackback. The Blogger comment system is teh suck. And once you've been at this blogging thing for a while longer, a search feature for your archives (like a Google search box) is going to come in really handy... as long as you don't drive all your readers away with your apathy. illogicology earns a 3, for now.
View from the Pew: One little nitpicky comment: whatever graphics you were supposed to have in your header do not appear in either IE 6.0 (which I use at work) or Firefox (which I use at home)... I'm left with two blank boxes and the little "missing image" icon. Otherwise, working comments and trackback are a definite plus, as well as searchable archives. I'd like to see a link to an "about me" page or post - I have been reading View from the Pew for a while, and you're pretty open with personal details in many of your posts, but a new visitor to the site would probably appreciate a short introduction to who Warren is. The overall design is pretty nice - the sidebars get a little busy, but who am I to complain? Mine has been getting that way for a while now. The color scheme is simple and readable... but my personal preference would be a little more pizzazz. I'd suggest a new banner graphic header, for instance - it doesn't have to be all that complex, but it would give your site a bit of punch and personality. Hubby-head and I have made all of the banner graphics at News from the Great Beyond ourselves, using Photoshop and 1001 Free Fonts. Well, I take that back, we've used Illustrator to help create the Thanksgiving banner and the original montage banner, and I did use a 3-D graphics generator for the wording on that montage one. But you can do wonders with Photoshop and a Google image search. If you like, I'd be glad to work with you to create one. Or maybe your readers will chip in to help you get a skin from BlogMoxie or something. Overall, the site is a good one and the technical details are in place. View from the Pew gets a 3.5.
Submitted Post
I Hate My Cubicle: Oh look! A personal story! I now feel that I know a bit about Steve, only because he has had an intensely frustrating experience with bad customer service at Fry's Electronics. Hubby-head has a love/hate relationship with Fry's, so I can identify with this just a hair. As long chronological rants go, this one was well-told... but worth the crown? Eh, that's iffy. I'll give it a 3.5.
illogicology: I'm trying to decide if this is quirky and charming, with Capitalization and speeling Errers included for flavor, or an example of supreme apathy. I've decided I don't care. illogicology gets a 2. It would be lower, but there is a certain quirky charm to it.
View from the Pew: Ahh, a serious, thought-provoking post. Lest anyone accuse me of bias toward theological posts, I must admit that other blogs I read (like the Thinklings or Mysterium Tremendum) frequently lose my interest when they get deep into theology. This post is very accessible to a non-seminarian, the software metaphor is carried throughout, and your point is easily understood. I'm giving you a 4 for execution.
Challenge Post
I Hate My Cubicle: Steve has the makings of a fine congressman, I see... You know, in 1996 I voted for Steve Forbes in the Presidential primaries, so I'm with you on this "flat tax" thing. In fact, are you Steve Forbes? I see potential in this entry, you have demonstrated a good grasp of the absurd, but the creativity is sadly lacking. My first foray into KotB competition had similar results, but I learned quickly from King Bill's example. Next time, don't just answer the question.
Steve. You're better than this. Another 3.5.
illogicology: You lost me on the cat thing, Owen. If you had cared enough to follow Nick's suggestions and find out what the judges like, you'd know that I'm very fond of cats. I do, however appreciate the other proposed laws, and your mandatory Star Trek re-enactments makes a fine mental image. Hee. Another example of pretty good ideas, but a lack of creativity in presentation. I'm giving it a 3.5.
View from the Pew: Bravo! Creative presentation, quirky and fun answers, and bonus points for the reference to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Take note, future competitors - this is how it's done. The only way it could have been better is some shameless sucking up to the judges, or perhaps creative use of Photoshop. There is room for improvement in future rounds... so, View from the Pew's challenge post gets a 4.5.
TOTALS:
I Hate My Cubicle: 9.5
illogicology: 8.5
View from the Pew: 12
Bad Example:
KING OF THE BLOGS: JUDGMENT DAY
So we've got these three guys who think they have what it takes to be King of the Blogs.
And this is me telling two of them they're more full of crap than Michael Moore is full of Twinkies.
THE CHALLENGE QUESTION:
If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?
Steve of I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Manages to legitimately work an obscenity into his answer, thus confounding Nick's request for wholesomeness. A good monarch knows how to thumb his nose at those claiming some right of "authority". Fight the power!
BAD POINTS: When asked for 3 laws, gives 6. Maybe Steve should be applying for a position with the Federal Government.
SCORE: 3
Owen of illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Has two typos in his post. A good monarch knows when to break with trite conventions, and as King, a word is spelled the way you DECREE that it's spelled, and Mme. Guillotine awaits non-conformists. Also, bonus for mocking AOL.
BAD POINTS: Makes known his passion for Star Trek TOS, yet COMPLETELY blows the chance to use the line: "A question... Since before your sun burned hot in space, and before your race was born, I have awaited a question." Damned slipshod of you, your
Royal Sarcasticness.
SCORE: 3.5
Warren of View from the Pew
GOOD POINTS: Weaves all three answers seamlessly into a single coherant post, thus avoiding the drab drollery of step-by-step listing. Bonus for providing explanatory linkage on the more obscure terms like "Brockian Ultra-Cricket".
BAD POINTS: AAAAAAH! Hacker-speak! "j00 R0><0r5" *shudder*
SCORE: 5
SUBMITTED ENTRY:
I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Truly makes the reader feel his pain as he recounts a recent customer service disaster with Fry's Electronics.
BAD POINTS: Language, Mister! There's a PG-13 requirement on submitted posts. Although colorful metaphors don't bother this old sailor personally, you have to THINK OF THE CHILDRENTM
SCORE: 3
illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Continues blithely on with typo theme while making me hungry with his delicious bagel recipe. Owen should consider submitting this to the Carnival of the Recipes, if for no other reason than yonder round-up could use a little comic relief.
BAD POINTS: Fails to explain the difference between a bread knife and a butter knife for uncouth slobs like myself who think that a spoon handle makes a servicable substitute for either.
SCORE: 3.5
View from the Pew
GOOD POINTS: Makes a credible analogy between theology and software. Even being religiously "none-of-the-above" as I am, I found the piece intriguing.
BAD POINTS: Those "patches" he mentioned would've been more understandable to me if he'd given links to examples. I had no idea if he was referring to actual creeds, or just groin-kicking straw men. Also, he plagiarizes Owen's "typo" schtick with this line: "Go is waiting for YOU to act..." without crediting his source. BAD Owen!
SCORE: 4.5
WHOLE BLOG REVIEW - TECHNICAL MERIT AND PERSONALITY:
Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:
King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)
Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.
With that in mind...
I Hate My Cubicle!!!
No KotB javascript thingy. That's BAD. Come on Steve... you're Paris Hiltoning yourself out to every blog-pimping organization known to man, yet you won't give this contest a little back-alley quickie in your sidebar? I feel snubbed, so
I'm snubbing back on the score, which by rights should be 0.
However, I *do* enjoy the fact that Steve has a "work-safe" version of his blog available. That's a right handy feature, so I'm giving a consolation point. Don't get me wrong Steve, it's a great site, and I'm blogrolling it because I like scantily-clad women, but you're just not a good fit for KotB.
SCORE: 1
illogicology
Very welcoming. Owen's got his picture and profile right up near the top of the sidebar. A more detailed "About Me" post would be a nice touch, but I won't ding him for that.
Owen's big problem is the complete lack of a blogroll. Indeed, a complete lack of linkage in any post. Seems the young man has problems with html and needs to Google up a basic tutorial somewhere.
Meanwhile, Owen, look in your template for this line:
!-- Begin #sidebar --
and post links to your favorite blogs under it like this (substitute < and > for [ and ]):
[A HREF="http://badexample.mu.nu/"]Bad Example[/A]
Now, even though Owen's blog isn't particularly attractive or fancy, I give him personality points for a couple things...
First, he spent some extra time blogging about KotB (here and here, for example) and the display of enthusiasm is wonderful.
Second, he's capable of some stunning writing - like this poem.
I don't think he's quite ready to grab the KotB crown yet, but I see a LOT of potential in this young blogger. After he learns a bit of code & spruces things up a bit, I'd like to see him try again, assuming he doesn't win this time.
Two parting gifts for Owen:
1 - Haloscan will auto-install their far-better-than-native-Blogger comments AND trackback features, as I explain here.
2 - Some tips on getting more attention to your blog, which I think you deserve.
SCORE: 3
View from the Pew
The Bible-search feature is pretty spiffy, and more or less makes up for the lack of an "About Me" post. Warren should really consider one so his readers can get to know him a little better. He seems worth knowing. Outside of that, the only real complaint I have is that the permalink at the bottom of each post is a little too close to the title of the next post. He might consider either adding some white space under the permalink link, or perhaps slipping in a horizontal line to make the division clearer.
I'd also recommend putting the comment & trackback links at the BOTTOM of each post, because that's where your reader is going to be when he finishes the entry, so you want to have those links ON THE SCREEN when he's ready to talk back to you.
More convenience equals more comments.
SCORE: 4.5
FINAL TALLY:
I Hate My Cubicle!!!: 7
illogicology: 10
View from the Pew: 14